What I Think About the Memoir

Grande, R. (2012). The Distance Between Us: A Memoir.  (pp. 1-326). New York: Washington Square Press

 

The Distance Between Us was overall a very interesting book. I really loved the first half of the book because it talked about life in Mexico and what the children did to occupy their time. It was interesting to learn about the differences in Mexico compared to the United States. The people washed their clothes in the local river. Most people struggled to get by. Only one person in the village owned a vehicle. Lots of times people went hungry but still had money for the cantina. Children's bellies were swollen huge because they all had tapeworms. It was also sad to learn that people really couldn't afford adequate health care. The Grande's Tio Crece was obviously mentally ill but no one could do anything about it. One time, Abuelita Chinta accidentally spilled boiling water all over Betty's face and they did not have enough money to take her to the hospital. Mago went over and borrowed money from the neighbor so that they could take her to the hospital. It was really eye-opening to learn about the difficulties that people face in Mexico, even the people that are well off.

Another thing that I thought was interesting was the part of the book where they crossed the border. Generally, people that cross the border are considered dangerous or crossing the border to bring illegal things into our country and take our jobs. I realize now that the majority of the time, the people crossing the border are doing it because they want a better life for their family and there is literally no other way for them to earn an adequate amount of money. People cross the border into the United States because they have no other option than to live in poverty. Most of the time when people cross into the United States, they end up sending the majority of their money back home to Mexico to their families. 

It was inspiring to read about how much trouble their father went to to ensure that his children had an opportunity for a better life. Reyna, Carlos, and Mago were very lucky because even when Betty was brought to the United States, she had to live with their mother who was a neglectful parent. Betty eventually ended up involved with gangs and drugs. Reyna, Carlos, and Mago all grew up to live successful lives. It is still interesting to read about the conditions that they lived in even when they did get to the United States. Their apartment complex was located in an area that had heavy gang activity and some gang members even lived in the apartment complex. One night when they were at home, they heard gunshots and there was a gang member that had been shot on their fence. They had never seen anything like it. Even though they lived in a bad area, Reyna, Carlos, and Mago rose above their situations and led good lives. Reyna found happiness in things like books and band, and continued her life to go to college and succeed. Eventually, their father got sick and died of cancer. 

I actually enjoyed this book more than I thought I would. I would rate this memoir 4.5 out of 5 stars.

The Man Behind the Glass/Papi

Grande, R. (2012). The distance between us: A memoir.  (pp. 150-169). New York:
Washington Square Press
 

The man behind the glass and Reyna, Carlos, and Mago's "papi" are two extremely different people. Since the age of two, the only father that Reyna had known was the man behind the glass, which was just a picture of her father in a frame. Reyna, Carlos, and Mago constantly wished for their father to come back. Because Mago was the oldest, she remembered the most about her father before he left. Reyna did not remember him at all. During the time that they spent at Abuelita Evila's house, they helped the workers begin building their father's dream home. He had talked his mother into letting him have a piece of her property where he would build his dream home. Reyna, Carlos, and Mago waited every single day for the workers to come and they would help them by carrying buckets of mortar and doing whatever the could. Then one day, the workers stopped coming. Their father had run out of money and had to start saving up again. Their hopes of him coming home soon were crushed, and he would not ever finish his dream house.

One day after their mother had returned home to Mexico and had a job at the record store, their father returned. He had a new wife named Mila, who he left their mother for, and he intended to return to the United States and cross the border with Mago. Mago told him that she would not leave her siblings alone in Mexico. Reyna and Carlos talked their papi into taking them across the border with him. Crossing the border was not an easy task. Multiple times they would almost be caught by immigration and the first two times they attempted to cross, they were caught. It was not until the third time that their father said they would not try again if they failed this time and they successfully crossed the border.

Once they got across the border and into the United States, they quickly realized what kind of person their papi truly was. While he almost always had their best interests in mind, he was a drunk ad he was abusive. Their papi almost always had a Budweiser in his hand and would often lose his temper over trivial things. One time, Carlos broke his leg and it was about two days later before their papi finally took him to the hospital. They did do fun things though, like go to the beach. Their papi owned an apartment complex but they had to stay in the one bedroom unit because they needed the extra rent money, so all three of them slept in the living room. They had never had access to television like the had in the United States, and school was complicated for them at first because they were ESL learners.

The man behind the glass and "papi" were two different people because Reyna viewed the man behind the glass as someone who was great and would never hurt his children. Papi was a man who, while trying to give his children an opportunity for a better life, was abusive and scared them more times than not. He would go into his room and not come out for hours. In the end, though, their Papi did more for them than their mother ever would. He gave them the vision to follow their dreams and told them that just because the were illegal did not mean they couldn't achieve great things. Eventually, they recieved their green cards, and were officially legal in the United States, all thanks to Mila and their papi.

Abuelita Chinta

Grande, R. (2012). The distance between us: A memoir.  (pp. 69-128). New York: Washington Square Press

 

 When their mother returned from the United States, she got her kids and they all moved into her mother's house, Abuelita Chinta. Their mother had returned with a new baby girl and they did not know what to think about her. Unlike Abuelita Evila, Abuelita Chinta was kind to the Grandes and they enjoyed being around her. When they grew up and left Mexico, it is her they missed the most. Abuelita Chinta lived in a small shack with dirt floors and metal ceilings. Even though her home was not near as nice as Abuelita Evila's, they much preferred Abuelita Chinta's because she was so kind. Abuelita Chinta was a healer, and often helped people out around the town. She never approved of the things her daughter did, like leaving her kids behind when she left for a second time to run off with a wrestler who later dies in a car wreck. Whenever their mother left them behind, Abuelita Chinta was there. 

Reyna, Carlos, and Mago's mother would often set up shop outside of a large place where parties and quinceaneras were held. She would sell food and cigarettes and often try to use Betty, the baby sister, as a way to earn more money. One night she returned with Betty sick and Abuelita Chinta scolded her like a little girl for having Betty out all night in the cold. Their mother only seemed to care about herself, but it was obvious that Abuelita Chinta cared for all of them. Their Abuelita Chinta was a religious person, and made sure that they were too. She would have them pray Hail Marys and Our Fathers and make the sign of the cross. Later in life, without the influence of Abuelita Chinta, they would lose their religious affiliation. 

In my opinion, Abuelita Chinta stepped in and became the mother that they never had. She always put Reyna, Carlos, Mago, and Betty first. She took them into her home when she didn't really have the room for them because their Tio Crece was already living there. She always made sure that they were fed and did not go hungry. Whenever any of them got sick she took extra special care of them using her skills as a healer. When there was extra money, she would give it to them so that they could buy sodas for their meals. The Grandes respected their Abuelita Chinta because she was a positive influence, unlike their Abuelita Evila, and ultimately the best and most loving person in their lives.

Mami

Grande, R. (2012). The distance between us: A memoir.  (pp. 5-13). New York: Washington Square Press

 

 The book begins with Reyna, Carlos, and Mago's mother leaving them with their Abuelita Evila because her husband has called for her to join him in "El Otro Lado", the United States. Reyna Carlos, and Mago were really too young to understand why their mother was leaving them in Mexico when she was going to the United States, but they knew nothing of the dangers of crossing the border and becoming an illegal immigrant. Their father had left Mexico when they were younger because he had dreamed of building a nice brick house, but did not have the money to do so. He knew the only way that he would ever have enough money to build a nice brick house in Mexico would be to go to the United States and save up. One day he decides that he needs their mother there to help him, so she goes without a second thought. 

Their mother leaving would have a significant impact on them, just as their father leaving did as well. But they had no idea that it would ultimately be their father who did the most for them. Their mother was an average woman who sold Avon to the people in their town for money. They barely made enough money to survive in Mexico. But, because their father had left them when they were young, most of their memories were with their mother, so they thought highly of her. She wore bright blue eye shadow and red lipstick. She promised her children that she would only be gone for a year at most, but she would end up being gone a lot longer, only to return when their father leaves her for another woman. No matter how hard she tried, Reyna could not understand why her mother was leaving them, and she would never forget her bright red lipstick.

Reyna describes the pain she felt as she and Mago packed the clothes they had into plastic bags and their mother returned the key to their house to Don Ruben; that would never be their home again. Mexico was in such poverty stricken conditions because the peso had been de-valued to 45 percent of the US dollar when Reyna was only one. Reyna remembers how her mother's friends, whos husbands had left them long ago, would be jealous of her when she told them that she was going to the United States because basically everyone in Mexico wanted to go there and most of the men had left their families to go. They viewed the United States as a great and wonderful place where there was no poverty and everyone was happy.  Their mother left them in the care of their Abuelita Evila, whom they did not like. Her property was nice and had plenty of room to play, but their mean cousin lived there too, and they did not like each other. Their mother leaving them for the first time was just the beginning of a string of unfortunate events that their mother put them through. As they grew older, they would learn her true colors.